I know this is out of character for this blog, but I just really need a place to vent. Here goes…
I don’t know who I’m going to vote for on November 3. I am a Conservative and have always voted Republican in the past, except for in 2016 when I wrote in “Evan McMullin.” That was a hard decision, but that’s what I did. I support the bulk of the Republican party platform (the 2016 platform, since that’s the one they’re using again this time around), but I do struggle significantly with Donald Trump as the figurehead. He lacks the character and maturity I so want to see in the person I vote for as President of the USA.
I know that some who read this will think I’m foolish for not having settled on voting for Trump. And I know that others reading this will think I’m borderline evil for even considering voting for Trump. I can honestly see where both sides are coming from.
I know that I cannot vote for Biden. I’ve considered it. I’ve listened to the “never Trumpers” who are former Republicans who dislike and distrust Trump to the point that they will vote for a Democrat over Trump. I understand this argument on some level, but I personally cannot do that. I am too troubled by the Democrat stance on abortion and LGBTQ+ issues and I believe in smaller government in general and more free market and lower taxes and religious liberties.
(Sidenote: I apologize if my opinions are offensive to any reading this. I love all LGBTQ+ people, I just do not believe that men and men and women and women who get “married” are actually married, because marriage is between a man and a woman, as ordained by God, as explained in Genesis. That is my strongly held personal belief. I mean no offense in stating this and I apologize if this offends you. I assure you I love LGBTQ+ people and would love to be friends with any who identify as other than “straight.” I have close friends who are not straight and they know my stance on the issue and I know theirs, and we still want to be in each other’s lives because we respect each other as human beings. I am more than ok with being friends with people who disagree with me.)
However, it is difficult for me to get on board with voting for Trump, even though I do like much of what he has done while in office, policy-wise. (For a few examples, see https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/executive-order-protecting-vulnerable-newborn-infant-children/ and https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2019/12/26/best-things-trump-has-done/).
I was very disturbed about the “stand down and standby” comment that he made regarding the Proud Boys. I did some digging around, though, and I don’t actually think he meant it to sound the way it sounded. After the debate he was asked about the comment and he said this: “I can only say they have to stand down and let law enforcement do their work,” Trump said. “I don’t know who the Proud Boys are, but whoever they are, they have to stand down and let law enforcement do their work.”
It seems to me it was a “gaff” of sorts to say “standby.” I think he was just thinking of the clashes between the Proud Boy types and the Antifa types and was addressing that issue and was wanting them to stand aside and let the police do their jobs. This is most consistent with other comments Trump has made concerning race and white supremacists in the past.
Still, it is so troubling to feel like you have to explain why he’s not really a racist. That just seems so wrong. He’s the President, for crying out loud! I am longing for more political unity in our country. I know we will never see completely eye to eye, but I think that’s part of what makes America great (to steal a phrase)! We need to discuss and debate and take sides and re-evaluate our positions. I wish we could speak to each other in a way that was more civil, and truly listen to each other. President Trump has not been helpful in this regard. It really saddens me. It makes me somewhat ashamed to call myself a Republican.
Although I disagree on certain issues with people who identify as Democrats, I respect these people. If I know you and you are a Democrat, reading this, I most likely respect YOU. I know and love many who call themselves Democrats. And I know that most of us don’t agree 100% with our political parties. I have a handful of issues I lean more moderate or left on myself (immigration, gun control). I wish we could get back to truly listening to each other and respecting each other as human beings.
So… I’m still not 100% sure who I’m going to vote for. Right now I’m thinking of writing in “Mike Pence” because he is much closer to what I am looking for in a President than Donald Trump. I know this would essentially be a vote for Biden, but I’m just not sure I can vote for someone who is just so incredibly bad at helping us as a country to listen to each other and find the good in each other. I’m worried about the pridefulness I see in President Trump and what that might lead to. I’m worried about how insensitive he is as a person and how this is playing into our increasingly divided country.
I prayed about it again tonight while taking a late night walk after the kids were down and before getting to my menu planning for the week. I know my vote is just one vote… but I take this privilege very seriously. I want to feel as sure as I can that what I am doing is as close to right as it can be. I want my vote to send the right message and to support the best outcome. But the truth of the matter is, I simply do not know what is right this time. I feel confused and lost.
So why am I writing all of this? I guess I just want to be heard. I want people to understand that this may be an easy decision for a lot of people, but it is incredibly hard for some of us this time around.
“Lord help me, and help us to be led by You on November 3. I trust You and I pray that Your will WILL be done, in the USA as it is in heaven. Please help us as a country to really listen to each other and to truly love each other, no matter who we vote for on November 3. Please help us to remember that You alone are the One who has all the answers and the One who will never lead us astray.”